The Explorer

Volume 1, Issue 7, December 2003

Happy Holidays!

The winter holiday season has arrived, and I’ve just welcomed the season in my favorite way.  I’ve spent much of the afternoon listening to Blues Traveler’s “Christmas” on endless repeat.  This song epitomizes the meaning of the entire season for me (including, but not limited to, the meaning of Christmas).  The lyrics celebrate the joy, love, peace, and hope of all of the December holidays, and the interwoven melodies are, in my opinion, simply gorgeous.  (You can find the song on “A Very Special Christmas 3.”) 

My wish for all of us is that we approach the holidays in joyful celebration, mindful of even the smallest blessings of the winter season and excited about the new year to come.  To borrow the words of John Popper (Blues Traveler’s lead singer), “If it's Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, Solstice Harvest or December Twenty-fifth…Peace on earth to everyone, and abundance to everyone you're with.”

Love and Joy,

p.s.  Need an easy, fun (and free!) holiday gift for friends and colleagues?  Why not introduce them to The Explorer?  I intend to double the number of subscribers over the next year, surpassing the 500 subscriber mark.  If you enjoy the newsletter and consider it valuable, I’d love for you to share it with others.  Forward them this message or send them to www.lifenavigationcoaching.com.  (Info on how to subscribe is in the fine print at the bottom of this message.)  Thanks!

All I Want for Christmas (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Solstice Harvest...)

Welcome to the season of giving!  If you celebrate Christmas, you’ve probably already been asked the Question of the Month: “What do you want for Christmas?”  If you’re not sure how to answer the question, you’re not alone.  This simple question is often surprisingly difficult for adults to answer.  Many adults don’t know what they want out of life (let alone what they want for Christmas!).  Or, they may have a vague idea of what they want but have difficulty articulating the want clearly. 

If you’ve been reading my newsletters for a while, you may recall that I’ve encouraged you to focus on the positive.  Why?  Because I believe that we tend to get what we expect.  If you focus your thoughts and your intentions on what you REALLY want (rather than what you don’t want), I believe that you’ll attract more of what you want (and less of what you don’t want) into your life. 

(If you’re new to The Explorer, you can read back issues here.)

So, what do you want?  What do you really, really want?  Do you know?  If not, why not?  I’ve pondered this question for a while now – why don’t people know what they want?  Through reading, pondering, and talking with clients, I’ve hit upon three interlinked reasons why people have trouble articulating what they want. 

Reason #1: We’re out of practice.

Think back to your childhood.  Did you have difficulty coming up with a holiday or birthday wish list back then?  Probably not.  As a kid, it’s easy to come up with a short (or long) list of things that would make you happy: a new bike, a doll, a little brother or sister, a handful of candy.  As we get older, we often stop thinking about the little things that make us happy.  We lose touch with the small stuff and forget to be mindful of the little joys of life.  Why does this happen?  We learn pretty quickly that wanting something for ourselves isn’t always socially acceptable.  So, as the years pass, we start wanting less and less.  Or, to be accurate, we stop thinking about and talking about what we want, even though the wants are still there. 

Reason #2: Wanting something feels uncomfortable.

For many people, the very words “I want” are associated with negative emotions.  We learn to feel guilty about wanting more out of life.  We think that we don’t deserve to have what we want, whether those wants are tangible (a new car, a bigger house) or intangible (a fulfilling job, a loving family).  We think that our desires aren’t realistic (“A job/person like that can’t possibly exist!  It/he/she is too good to be true.”).  We start to feel bad about wanting anything, large or small, in part because we’ve convinced ourselves we won’t get it anyway, even if we want it.

Reason #3: Our “Don’t Wants” get in the way of our “Wants.”

How often have you said something like, “I don’t want to pay taxes” or “I don’t want it to snow this weekend” or “I don’t want make a mistake”?  When we get out of practice at articulating what we DO want, our focus often changes to avoiding what we DON'T want.  Many people are quite skilled when it comes to articulating what they DON’T want.  They focus their energies on what they DON’T want and think about how to avoid it, how to prevent it, and how to deal with it if it happens.  If it’s true that we get what we focus on, what are you likely to get when you focus on what you DON’T want?  More taxes, more snow, more mistakes!  You get what you focus on.  Focus on what you don’t want and you’ll get what you don’t want.  Focus on what you want and you’ll get what you want.   

So there you have it, my first pass at explaining why people have difficulty articulating what they want out of life.  Now what? 

The best gift you can give yourself this season is a clearer understanding of what you want for yourself and for your life.  How do you come up with an answer to that question: "What do you really, really want?"  Simple.  You undo each of the reasons that have previously held you back from answering the question.  Start practicing feeling GOOD about focusing on what you DO want. 

What’s the first step?  Believing these words: There’s NOTHING inherently wrong with wanting more out of life.  You DO deserve to have what you want.  You DO deserve to be happy.  EVERYONE does.  There’s plenty of happiness to go around, and you don’t have to earn it by being perfect.  Embrace this idea, and joy will start to flow to you and to the people around you. 

How can you get in touch with what you want?  First remember that getting what you want is completely okay – it’s more than okay, it’s the reason you’re here on earth.  You’re here to make your life and your world better.  Smile to yourself to get your positive feelings going…  Let your mind wander…  Know that you deserve to have what you really want in life…  Now, start small.  What’s one thing that would be really nice to have?  A new watch, a warm sweater, your favorite music group’s latest CD…  Why?  How would you feel if you had that in your life?   

Keep that feeling in mind and take your thoughts a step further… What do you REALLY want?  An extra hour in the day, more sleep, a happier marriage, a job that you love, a new relationship, more joy in your life…  Do you have any secret dreams that you’ve hidden away?  Any desires that you’ve pushed aside because they weren’t “realistic”?  Let yourself focus on those dreams and desires.  Really believe that they can be yours.  Embrace that fabulous feeling that’s associated with having what you want. 

May you each delight in an easy, joy-filled holiday season, full of everything that you desire.

My Holiday Gift to You!

Want more practice getting clear on what you really, really want?  I have a holiday gift for you!  Call me, and I’ll walk you through my favorite mental exercise – one that will help you zero in on what you really, really want in 15 minutes or less.  (Please do take me up on this.  I love sharing this exercise, so it’s like a gift for me too!)  

"What Do You Really, Really Want?" Calls

December 16^th - 18^th and January 6^th - 8^th between 10:00am and 6:00pm (Eastern Time) 

Call Lisa at (614) 262-8820.  

If you get my voice mail, leave a message and I’ll call you back.

Attractionville

Want to learn more about how to get what you REALLY want?  Here’s a GREAT gift that you can give yourself or your loved ones: Membership in Attractionville.  This virtual community was created by my own coach and good friend, Drew Rozell.  Drew is a fellow social psychology Ph.D. and an all-around cool guy.  He’s also a pro at attracting more of what you want into your life.  Click on the image below to learn more about the Law of Attraction at Attractionville.

Calling All New-Moms-To-Be! 

Know anyone who’ll be giving birth in 2004?  Starting in mid-March, my Whoa, Mama! coaching group will begin meeting via phone to discuss new motherhood.  We’ll be focusing on how to experience more happiness, joy, and ease in new motherhood.  If you (or someone you know) would like more information on the Whoa, Mama! group, please contact me at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com or call me at (614) 262-8820.  

Bailey the Curious Cat