The Explorer

Volume 2, Issue 2, February 2004

a Life Navigation Coaching publication 

Waiting

It's a gorgeous day here in Central Ohio – sunshine, puffy white clouds, birds chirping.  One of those days that tends to trick me into thinking that spring is here.  I've lived in the Midwest long enough to know that there's probably another blizzard in store for us, which is perfectly fine by me.  I love the snow as much as the sunshine!  Still, these sunny days make the wait for spring a true pleasure for me.  

Yes, my word of the month is "waiting" – waiting for spring and waiting for our first child's arrival.  Just two weeks left!  I'm learning how to wait with curiosity and excitement, which makes the waiting much more fun.  Drop me a line, and we'll chat about what you're waiting for: lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com.

Love and Joy,

Predicting the Future

How much would you pay for a Magic 8 Ball that provided answers that were 100% correct?  Imagine it – a device that accurately predicted the future.  You’d KNOW without a doubt what was going to happen later today, tomorrow, next year – whenever!  What would that be worth to you?

It’s now approximately two weeks before the birth of our first child.  I spend a lot of time these days pondering the wonderful ways my life will change in the very near future.  At several points throughout my pregnancy, I would have paid a lot of money for that special Magic 8 Ball.  I would have given nearly anything to know the answers to a couple of burning questions.  Interestingly, those were the most difficult points in the pregnancy – the times when I was the most stressed and the least joyful.  I was consumed by a need to know what would happen in the future, and it didn’t feel good. 

Have you ever had a thought like this?  “If I only knew that this situation would turn out well, I’d stop worrying about it.”  Or, “If I only knew that this report would be great when I was finished with it, I’d be able to start it.”  Or, “If I only knew that I’d find the perfect job (or perfect relationship), I wouldn’t be scared anymore.”  We often think that if we knew the answers, we wouldn’t need to worry anymore.  The fact is, there are no Magic 8 Balls that are consistently accurate.  There is no device that will tell you without a doubt what will happen tomorrow.  (You know this, of course – I’m just reminding you…)  So, what to do? 

Here’s my advice: You can’t know what’s going to happen, so why put yourself through the stress, angst, and worry of wanting to know?  Let go of that need to know, and you’ll let go of the negative emotions attached to the need.

Trust me, I KNOW this is tough.  Those of you who’ve been reading The Explorer for a while may remember that letting go of the need for control is something I’ve been working on throughout my life – not just during pregnancy.  (See October 2003.)  I’ve recently had the opportunity to look at this issue from another perspective, and here’s what I’ve discovered.  When you really DO let go of that need to know the future, it feels great.  Letting go of worry feels wonderful.  But how do you do that?

Simple: become curious.  Cultivate “a desire to investigate and learn” (Merriam Webster’s definition of the word).  When you have a need to know what’s going to happen in the future, it’s usually because you’re attached to a particular outcome.  That is, you REALLY want the future to turn out a certain way.  When you’re curious about the future, you’re interested in learning more.  You’re open to possibilities.  You’ll probably still think about what will happen in the future, but your thoughts will be lighter – more inquisitive than angst-ridden.  You’re still interested in the future, but you’re not attached to the outcome. 

As James Stephens wrote in The Crock of Gold, “curiosity will conquer fear, even more than bravery will.”  When you become curious about the future, you also become more ready to move forward.  You let go of the fear associated with the future turning out “wrong.”  If you’ve been feeling stuck on a project or you’re not sure how to approach a particular situation, try being curious about your project or situation.  Look at it from all sides.  Ponder what could possibly happen.  Contemplate the process rather than the outcome.  Be curious.

There is great power in letting go.  It’s hard to feel powerful when you’re trapped by worry, stress, and angst.  When you surrender your need for something to turn out a certain way, you also give up the worry, stress, and angst associated with the attachment.  You gain the peace and happiness that comes with being open to however the future may unfold.  You gain the power and strength of knowing that you don’t need to struggle to make the future turn out a particular way.  The future will unfold no matter what you do, so why not let go of that struggle?

Whoa, Mama!

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© Copyright 2004  Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.