A recent winter storm left our trees coated with ice, and low temperatures kept our little corner of the world frozen for several days.  The sun shone brightly despite the cold, causing the ice covered trees to sparkle in the sunlight.  The ice on the trees was beautiful, but it also weighed heavily on each branch.  The icy branches of the dogwood in our backyard dipped low, brushing the bench on our deck.   The branches of many trees didn’t survive the initial storm; instead, they broke in the wind.  Other branches didn’t survive the aftermath; the weight of the ice was too much for them to bear.  But some branches (like those of our dogwood) bent under the added weight of the ice without breaking.  As the ice melted, the branches began to rise again, and they are now ready to weather the next storm. 

The aftermath of the storm got me thinking about the idea of “bending without breaking.”  How does one manage to do it?  How do we weather the storms of our lives without being irreparably damaged by the storm?  How do we foster resilience – the ability to bounce back after difficulties, or to bend rather than break?

I’ve been weathering an ice storm of my own during the past year.  Though I haven’t written about it directly until now, I battled post-partum depression during the first half of my son’s young life.  Much as I wanted to hide it, the effects of my battle permeated my writing – a friend said that my newsletters made it sound like I was “struggling to keep my head above water.”  Tough times for a life coach, especially one who promotes living an easy, joy-filled life.  Although I had a number of bright spots in my life, most days my life didn’t feel easy or joyful.  Many days I felt like I had been bent so far that I couldn’t possibly bend any more without breaking.  Now that I’m taking my own advice, I’m feeling much more flexible.  The ice is melting from my branches, and I can feel my metaphorical limbs rising and reaching into the air again.  It’s a glorious feeling.  Life is good.

Still, that whole “bend without breaking” thing is easier to say than to do.  When your branches are coated with ice, bearing the weight is tough.  But there are a number of things you can do to make it easier to bear the weight (or to melt the ice entirely).

Be Kind to Your Body:  When you’re in the midst of emotional, mental, or physical stress, being kind to your body is essential.  To counteract the effects of this stress, first get your body moving.  Go for a walk, practice yoga, dance to music that you love.  Then, slow your body down.  Take a bath, get a massage, curl up on the couch.  Treat your body gently so that it can continue to serve you well.

Be Kind to Your Mind:  If you want to bend without breaking, you need to give yourself a break.  Listen to what you say to yourself.  Are you being kind to yourself, or are you being hard on yourself?  Would you want someone else to speak to you the way you speak to yourself?  Would you want someone to speak to your loved ones the way you speak to yourself?  Make a commitment to yourself to drop any negative self talk.  Your mind will believe anything you tell it, so you might as well tell it positive things rather than negative things. 

Create a Support System:  Build a network of caring people who can help you during the stressful times.  Your network may include friends and family, as well as professionals (such as psychologists, doctors, and coaches).  If you don’t already have a network in place, take steps to create one.  A few years ago, while I was working in a very stressful environment, I hosted Thursday night potlucks.  Every Thursday night, we’d meet and share a meal and conversation, talking about our days as though we were a family gathered around the dinner table.  Although the impetus for the original gathering was the premiere of the new season of “Must See TV,” it was the conversation and support that kept us meeting on Thursday nights.  Your “support staff” should be made up of people who can be counted on to remind you that “you can do it!”  I’m certain that I made it through my first year of graduate school in part due to an older graduate student who ended every conversation with a grin and the phrase, “Keep up the good work!”

Cultivate Hope:  Even while our trees were coated with ice, the sun shone.  On those days, the trees glittered and sparkled as if they were covered with diamonds.  The air was bitter cold, but the sun glinting off the ice covered branches gave us hope that warmer weather would soon return.  Optimism and hope go a long way toward creating resilience.  If you’re having trouble finding hope in the midst of a stressful situation, look to the little things – like the perfect cup of tea, a warm hug, a friendly smile, or even sparkling trees.  Hold fast to those small joys, and it will be easier to remember that larger joys await you.

I doubt we’ve seen our last ice storm of the season or that my life will be entirely free of difficulty now that I’ve nearly made it through the first year of motherhood.  But I do believe that life will be better – easier and more joyful – if I stay flexible and remember to bend as needed.

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Life Navigation Coaching
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The Explorer is published monthly to inspire curious people – people who love to explore, discover, and learn – to go out and get what they want.  It is written by Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D., of Life Navigation Coaching, who coaches people to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

You can contact Lisa at (614) 262-8820 or by e-mail at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com.

Visit Life Navigation Coaching at www.lifenavigationcoaching.com to learn more about life coaching, Lisa, and opportunities for you.

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