The Explorer: July 2003

The Explorer

Volume 1, Issue 2, July 2003

Fun with Technology!

Welcome to the second issue of my e-mail newsletter, The Explorer. The past month has been full of joy and excitement, as well as (dum dum daaaahhh!!!) Fun with Technology! Yes, living a technological life can be rewarding, fun, and (in the most positive sense of the word) challenging. A couple of things I’ve learned (or had reinforced), paired with a couple of requests of you:

Lesson 1: Email servers are not 100% reliable. (At least mine isn’t yet.) A number of messages that were sent to me in the past month were not received due to server problems. Request 1: If you sent a message to me during the last few weeks and did not receive a reply, it’s likely that I didn’t receive your message. Please resend it, and I’ll get right back to you.

Lesson 2: It IS humanly possible to reply to emails within 24 hours! (At least on weekdays.) Request 2: I’m very proud of my speedy response times – this is a skill I’ve been working on for many years now and have only recently begun to succeed at. If you haven’t received a reply from me within 24 hours, please resend your message. (See Lesson 1 – I probably didn’t receive it.)

Lesson 3: Just as every individual has his or her own perspective on life, every computer seems to as well. Request 3: If this newsletter is missing images, has goofy line breaks, or looks strange in some way, please let me know. My goal is to find a format that looks great for most, if not all, of you. In the meantime, you can view this newsletter as it was meant to be seen by checking it out online. Click here

I’m looking forward to another month of joy and excitement, as well as more Fun with Technology. Thanks for joining me on this exploration. I’m thrilled to be sharing it with you.

Love and Joy,

Happy Independence Day!

Those of you who are reading this in the United States likely celebrated our country’s independence earlier this month on July 4^th. This isn’t a belated wish. Rather, I encourage you to celebrate your own personal Independence Day today and every day that follows. Each day that you celebrate your own independence, you celebrate and honor your ability to make your own choices and to live your own life – a life that can overflow with love and joy.

In the past, I remember being told by people, “Oh, you’re SO independent,” typically accompanied by an eyeroll. I took that to mean that I shouldn’t be so independent. For years I tried to stifle my independence – hiding my needs and my desires in order to please others – to be the perfect person. That didn’t work very well. My needs tended to sneak out, even when I tried to hide them. And when needs sneak out indirectly rather than being acknowledged directly, they tend not to behave the way we’d like them to. I’d get grumpy, grouchy, and unhappy. Keep in mind that my goal was to be “the perfect person.” What happens to others’ perceptions of us when we’re grumpy, grouchy, and unhappy? Do they see us as the perfect person? Nope. They see us as someone who’s grumpy, grouchy, and unhappy!

I have a vivid memory of a surprisingly-not-so-long-ago Christmas when my mom came to stay for the holiday season. She brought me a magnet for the fridge. Next to a cute little bunny is this statement: “If you are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you.” I didn’t find it funny at the time. I WAS, in fact, grumpy during family gatherings. Heck, I was grumpy a lot. Why? Because I was stifling my independence, suppressing my needs, and stuck in relationships and relationship patterns that were harmful to me. I had lost touch with the joy inside of me – the joy that IS me. I couldn’t find it in me and, thus, couldn’t share it with others.

How did I get away from this? It was a simple change, yet a very difficult one to make – and with repercussions that affected all aspects of my life. I began to uncover myself. To figure out what I wanted, what I needed, and what I loved. I discovered that being “SO independent” was actually a really cool thing! I could take care of my needs and find my own joy. When I began thinking about what I really wanted out of life, who I really was, and what really mattered to me, I ended up making a number of changes in my life. I began making choices that helped me find joy – even if the choices were very small and brought joy in very small ways. I began to shape my life so that it included only the things, people, and experiences that nurtured that joy. A surprising side effect of this was that the people whom I love and who love me all now see me as happier, more contented, and more whole than I had been previously.

I’ve kept the magnet, because it serves as a great reminder to me: Acknowledge who you are and what you need!! If not, you’ll get grumpy – and that will negatively affect your relationships with others and with yourself. So, make the choice to honor your independence (or whatever it is about you that you haven’t been honoring!) Easier said than done? Perhaps. How to do it? Start small. Because you ARE an independent person, you have the ability to choose. You can choose how to behave, who to spend time with, what to say, how to think…the list goes on. Choose to think, behave, and be the person you most want to be, and you’ll find your joy.

There’s a caveat. We make choices every day – but sometimes we make our choices unconsciously. When you do something out of habit, because that’s the way you’ve always done it, you’re making an unconscious choice. When you stay in a relationship or a job because it’s easier to keep doing what you’re doing instead of finding something more fulfilling, you’re making an unconscious choice. When you let time pass until it’s “too late” to do something, you’re making an unconscious choice. The great changes of life don’t occur as a result of unconscious choices, nor do those choices bring us joy. Rather, it’s the unconscious choices that often back us into corners we don’t want to be in. Conscious choices are the ones that help us find our way out of the corners. So the caveat is this: CONSCIOUSLY choose to think, behave, and be the person you most want to be, and you’ll find your joy.

Sound selfish to you? It’s actually just the opposite. When we make choices that make us more whole and more happy, those choices tend to benefit the people around us. When we are joyful and fulfilled, we are more easily able to share that joy with others. Just as airline passengers are instructed in an emergency to position their own oxygen masks before helping others, we must take care of our own needs first so that we are better able to help others. By making sure that your own needs are met – that you are as whole as you possibly can be – you will have MORE of yourself to share with others, should you choose to.

According to Leo Tolstoy, “True life is lived when tiny choices are made.” Small choices are often easier to make, and, as such, it’s the small choices that get us moving toward the life we want. Today, make one conscious choice that moves you in the direction you want to go. Your goal may be concrete – to write a novel, lose ten pounds, or start a family – or it may be more abstract – to embrace your values (such as independence!), to live more simply, or to live a happier, more joyful life. Regardless of the goal, it’s the small choices that we make each day that get us moving. So, It doesn’t matter whether the choice you make today is a big one or a small one – just make one. The sooner you begin making choices that move you in the direction you want to go, the sooner you’ll get there.

“A year from now you may wish that you had started today.” Karen Lamb

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What Do You REALLY Want?

Discover your heart’s desire and how to get it!

For those of you in the Columbus, Ohio area…

Please join me for an evening workshop designed to help you determine your priorities and kick-start your progress toward your goals.

Date: Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Time: 7:30 – 8:30pm

Location: Columbus, Ohio (The specific location will be announced to participants via email by July 25^th.)

Cost: $20 (No risk, either! If, at the end of the workshop, you do not believe that you’ve gotten much more value than you paid for, I’ll give you your money back.)

Email Lisa at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com or call 614-262-8820 to register.

Class size is limited, so please respond soon.

Life Navigation Coaching
find your direction, plan your journey

Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.

(614) 262-8820

lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com

www.lifenavigationcoaching.com

The Explorer is published more or less monthly to inspire curious people – people who love to explore, discover, and learn – to go out and get what they want. It is written by Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D., of Life Navigation Coaching, who coaches people to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

You can contact Lisa at (614) 262-8820 or by e-mail at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com.

Visit Life Navigation Coaching at www.lifenavigationcoaching.com to learn more about life coaching, Lisa, and opportunities for you.

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