The Explorer

Volume 1, Issue 1, June 2003

Welcome!

Welcome to the first issue of The Explorer, a newsletter created by Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D., of Life Navigation Coaching.  I'll be sending out thoughts and announcements more or less monthly, to inspire curious people – people who love to explore, discover, and learn – to go out and get what they want.   

If you'd like to learn even more about how you, too, can live a more exciting, joyful, and (dare I say it?) perfect life, check out my new website: www.lifenavigationcoaching.com.  Even better, give me a call or send me an e-mail to arrange a complimentary coaching session.  I'd love to talk with you!

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Thanks for joining me on this exploration.  I hope that you have an amazing and wonderful day!

Love and Joy,

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I’ve spent many years studying and teaching social psychology – examining how people’s thoughts, feelings and behavior are influenced by others and by the world around them.  I told my students that if they learned nothing else in my classroom, the one concept I wanted them to take away from the class – and remember for the rest of their lives – was that we create our social worlds.  Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors shape our perceptions of the world around us.  Yes, the world shapes us too, but the way we perceive others and the world around us has a profound effect on our day-to-day lives. 

My favorite social psychological phenomenon – one that I consider essential for understanding how life works – is the self-fulfilling prophecy.  In basic terms, we get what we expect.  Our expectation actually causes the expected event to happen.  Now, this happens for a variety of reasons, and there’s a boatload of scientific research to back it up.  (I love talking about the research, don’t get me wrong, but for now we’ll focus on some examples…)  Imagine with me: You’ve heard through the grapevine that an acquaintance was recently laid off from his job.  You expect that he’s probably sad and discouraged.  The next time you see him you say, with a sigh in your voice, “I heard about your lay-off, (sigh) how are you doing?”  He responds, “Oh, (sigh) I’m doing fine.”  His sad and discouraged tone of voice confirms your expectation, and you leave the interaction thinking, “That poor guy…. I hope he finds some happiness soon.” 

What you don’t realize though, is that he has simply matched your own tone of voice.  He’s latched onto that sigh in your voice and made it his own – probably without even thinking about it!  We’re often quite good at picking up on others’ expectations of how we will behave and delivering what they’re looking for.  Now, this usually makes the world run pretty smoothly – fewer ruffled feathers, fewer conflicts, etc.  But we end up with a whole bunch of incorrect assumptions!  This guy might actually be enjoying his lay-off.  He may be reveling in this opportunity to create a new life for himself.  However, rather than saying, “Actually, I’m doing great!  I’m using this time to follow my passion and find work that I really love!” (which would have gone against your expectation and rocked the boat a bit), he’s confirmed your expectation of sadness and probably now feels a little sad himself.  Your expectation that he would be sad and discouraged actually brought about that event.  You got what you expected.

Now that’s a pretty discouraging example!  So, think about how you can turn it around… 

What if you were to expect the best in others?  What if you were to look for happiness around you?  What if you were to approach the world as if it were an extraordinary adventure, full of new and wonderful things for you to discover? 

Hmmm….  How would that feel?  What would you get back?

I can hear some of you saying, “Ugh!  What a Pollyanna!”  I’m not endorsing putting your fingers in your ears, humming a little tune, and saying, “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you!”  I’m not talking about closing your eyes to sadness and negative events.  Instead, I’m talking about looking for the opportunities these events hold.  Disney’s Pollyanna gets a lot of bad press, but I think that’s because people don’t fully understand her philosophy.  Pollyanna didn’t pretend that there was nothing bad in the world.  She didn’t ignore pain and suffering.  Instead, she acknowledged that life has downs as well as ups.  Bad things do happen.  But she acknowledged them and let them go.  She let go of the frustration, disappointment, and pain.  Then, she looked for the opportunity within the event.  How could she take a negative event and create something positive from it?  How could she find the good in others?  In the world around her?  In herself?

Think about it…  If you approach the world expecting difficulty, expecting struggle, expecting that you won’t know what you need to know or won’t get what you need to get, what do you think you’ll get back?  According to the self-fulfilling prophecy, you’ll get exactly what you expect: difficulty, struggle, lack of knowledge, and lack of opportunities.  If you approach the world expecting excitement, adventure, joy, and happiness, what do you think you’ll get back?  There’s plenty of research to suggest that you’ll begin to see excitement, adventure, joy, and happiness in the events around you.  Suddenly that flat tire has given you a great opportunity to talk with a loved one while waiting for the tow truck to arrive.  Change your expectations and you change your world. 

You have the power to change your expectations.  It’s a small tweak but an important one.  (Wait – You say it’s not a small tweak?  You say it’s a lifelong habit?  It’s true that many people have spent years of their lives expecting negative events.  That’s important, but that’s also the past – try letting it go.  Take a small step – change ONE expectation and see what happens.)  I promise you that changing your expectations – really changing them – will have a profound effect on your life.  You get what you expect.

Now that you know that you have the power to change the world through your expectations of it, how do you intend to use that power?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Life Navigation Coaching
find your direction, plan your journey

  Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.

  (614) 262-8820

  lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com

The Explorer is published more or less monthly to inspire curious people – people who love to explore, discover, and learn – to go out and get what they want.  It is written by Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D., of Life Navigation Coaching, who coaches people to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

You can contact Lisa at (614) 262-8820 or by e-mail at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com.

Visit Life Navigation Coaching at www.lifenavigationcoaching.com to learn more about life coaching, Lisa, and opportunities for you.

You may use material from The Explorer in whole or in part, provided you include the complete attribution, including a live web site link and e-mail link.  Please inform me when and where the material will appear.

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Ó Copyright 2003 Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.