The Explorer

Volume 2, Issue 6, June 2004

a Life Navigation Coaching publication 

Pure Joy

Last night, my four-month-old son laughed for the first time.  What did I do to make him laugh?  Not much…I poked him in the belly and smiled at him.  When he laughed, the look on his face was one of pure joy.  He had discovered laughter!  Hearing him laugh ranks among the happiest moments of my life, in part because his laughter reminded me of the pure joy of laughter as well.  

By the way, we had a lot of laughs on our airplane adventure last month.  Crazy weather, cancelled flights, and diapering fiascos.  Ultimately, everything turned out great, and Orion was a wonderful traveler.  It appears I'm raising quite a little explorer.

I wish you much laughter this month.

Love and Joy,

Three Little Words

What do you want for dinner?  Why did you do that?  What do you want to be when you grow up?  What would make you happy? 

What three little words make up the most common first response to each one of these questions?  I don’t know.  (This isn’t the start of a “Who’s on First?” bit, the three little words are “I don’t know.”) 

How often do you respond to questions with “I don’t know?”  Probably more often than you think you do.  In fact, some people seem to toss out “I don’t knows” nearly automatically.  The overuse of these three little words is problematic for three big reasons – especially when these little words are used to answer big questions.

First, the simple act of saying “I don’t know” gets your mind going in a negative direction.  When you focus on the absence of something positive, such as your presumed lack of knowledge, you tend to attract more of the same.  This negative response immediately stops your thoughts from moving in a more positive, productive direction.  As Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.”  Start with something more open to possibilities than “I don’t know,” and you’ll automatically be moving in a more positive direction.

Second, when you say, “I don’t know,” you may be giving up too easily.  Most of the time you DO know much more than you think you know.  So why do you claim that you don’t know?  If you’re responding to a little question (such as, “What do you want for dinner?”) it may be that you’re just not motivated to think very hard.  If you’re responding to a big question (such as, “What would make you happy?”) it may be that there's a bigger reason behind that response.  Perhaps you don’t want to be wrong.  Perhaps you don’t want to think about the answer – the question could feel too personal, too important, or too scary.  Whatever the question is, you have the strength to face the answer.  Dig deep into your store of confidence and tap into your courage.  Give yourself the opportunity to really answer the question.  If you need help, get it.  Do what it takes to get the answer that you need.

Third, the phrase “I don’t know” tends to shut down creativity.  Rather than pondering possible answers to the question, your mind may come to a screeching halt.  Although you might not have access to the “right” answer immediately, you still have the ability to contemplate possible “right” answers.  It just takes a little creative thinking.  Try out a possible answer to the question…see how it feels.  If it doesn’t feel right, try out another answer.  Keep coming up with possible answers to the question until you hit upon an answer that sparks something for you.  This could take minutes or years, but eventually you’ll find the answer that is right for you – as long as you allow the process to unfold by considering creative answers.

Here’s a little game for you to play. Over the next few days, drop those three little words from your vocabulary.  Whenever you’re inclined to respond to a question with “I don’t know,” stop.  Say anything other than “I don’t know.”  (“I’m not sure” is not allowed either, nor is any other similar phrase.)  Think a little bit.  Get creative.  Contemplate ideas.  Play with possibilities.  Your mind will get to stretch its limits, and you just might come up with the perfect answer to the question.

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© Copyright 2004  Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.