The Explorer

Volume 2, Issue 5, May 2004

a Life Navigation Coaching publication 

Hey, It's May!

Amazingly enough, it's the middle of May already.  Wasn't it just a few days ago that I was writing about how time flies?  (wink)  Did you take some time to enjoy life moment by moment?  If not, there's still time!  Plenty of it.

By the end of May, Orion will have turned three months old, and he'll have experienced his first trip in an airplane.  I'm already coaching him on how to live an adventurous life.  :)  I'll share our airplane success stories next month.  

My big coaching news for the month: My maternity leave is nearing its end.  I'm offering my first post-baby workshop next week.  See below.

Have a great day!

Love and Joy,

Be Kind

Here’s a quick quiz for you:

1. Are you as kind to yourself as you are to others?
2. Do you forgive yourself as easily as you forgive others?
3. Do you take care of your own needs as well as you take care of the needs of others?
4. Would you want to be friends with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself?

If you answered “yes” to all of the above questions, congratulations!  Pat yourself on the back and keep up the good work.  If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, keep on reading…  

I’ve always been a big proponent of self-care – taking care of your own needs and treating yourself with kindness.   Here’s why… If you spend all of your energy taking care of others, it’s hard to find any energy left to take care of yourself.  Over time, you have less and less of yourself to give to others.  On the other hand, if you take care of yourself first, you actually build up your energy and yourself so that you end up with more energy to give to others.  If you were raised (as many of us were) to take care of others’ needs first and to put yourself last, this is a radical notion.  It may be hard to imagine, but when you put your own well-being first, you feel great and you have even more to give to others. 

I have to admit that although I’ve always believed this to be true, it didn’t REALLY hit home until I became a mother.  In the first few weeks with my son, self-care seemed impossible.  How could I do anything other than feed, diaper, and take care of my baby?  I slept very little, and nearly all of my “free” time was spent trying to figure out how to take even better care of him.  Orion tends to be a pretty happy baby, but even so, the strain began to show in my emotions and behavior. 

While reading Karen and Gale Pryor’s Nursing Your Baby, I came across the following statement: “The best treatment for a fussy baby is more rest for the mother.”  Being a scientist at heart, I decided to experiment a little.  I discovered that Orion seemed happier (i.e., less fussy) on the days that followed an earlier bedtime for me.  Now, Orion hadn’t slept any longer during the nights before happy days than he had before fussy days – I had simply gone to bed earlier rather than puttering around the house while he slept.  Getting more sleep myself did seem to lead to a happier, more contented baby. 

I soon discovered that while resting more was a great start, there were even more ways to help Orion be a happier little guy.  And, much to my surprise, most involved taking care of my own well-being.  Taking a cue from Anne Lamott, author of Operating Instructions, I decided to treat myself “like a beloved relative.”  I began talking to myself more kindly, forgiving myself more easily, and being more gentle with myself.  I started swinging on our porch swing with Orion and taking him for tours of the backyard to admire the flowers.  As I began to treat myself a bit more kindly, Orion began to become an even happier baby.  (Now, he does still cry every once in a while, but the kinder, gentler me is a lot better equipped to handle it!)

You may not have a newborn to deal with, but I’m willing to bet that your life (and the lives of those around you) could be improved by treating yourself a little more kindly.  Do you have a favorite CD that you could listen to tonight?  Could you book a massage for yourself?  Go for a run?  Take a bubble bath?  Enjoy a cool beverage as you sit outside and gaze at the stars?  Have you said anything nice to yourself lately?  Try it.  I bet you’ll like it.  And I bet your family and friends will be glad you did it. 

Call the Holistic Health Institute of Ohio at (614) 261-9165 to register.

Want to learn more about life coaching?

Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D. (actually, this is her son Orion, showing off his brand-new smile)

(614) 262-8820

© Copyright 2004  Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.