The Explorer: October 2003

The Explorer

Volume 1, Issue 5, October 2003

Changing Seasons

Welcome to October. October is a challenging month for me, but in some strange way it's one of my favorite months. My dad passed away five years ago this Friday (October 10). Although it might be easy to focus on the changing colors of the leaves and think about endings and loss, I choose instead to focus on the bulbs that I'll be planting this weekend in his memory and think about the life and energy that they hold within. To me, bulbs are a perfect reminder of the circle of life. We plant brown dead-looking bulbs in the fall, and we're blessed with glorious flowers in the spring. I love it.

Of the newsletter articles I’ve written to this point, this month's has been the hardest for me to write. Perhaps because it feels like a confession: “I’m not perfect.” The cool thing is that my imperfection is, in itself, perfect. I’m growing and changing, just as you are. How lucky we are to be able to grow and change and adapt to new situations, rather than remaining trapped in endless loops of sameness. Yes, life is an adventure, and if everything happened as you expected it to happen, well, what would be the fun in that?

Although life is an unpredictable adventure, I’m still a big proponent of life planning. As you’ll see below, I’m offering workshops this month and next that can help you as you plan your own life – Life Navigation 101 and a new one for pregnant women called Whoa, Baby! Read on to learn what I’ve been thinking about lately, or just skip to the bottom of this message to learn about the workshops. Please spread the word!

Love and Joy,

Losing Control...Gaining Perspective

Twenty weeks ago, I began an exciting yet harrowing journey that appears determined to teach me the one lesson I’ve fought against most of my life. What’s the lesson? That many aspects of our lives are completely out of our control. Completely. What’s the journey? Pregnancy. Yup, I’m happy to announce that I’m twenty weeks pregnant with our first child!

Twenty weeks allows a lot of time for reflection. And what’s the most profound thing I’ve come up with? Being pregnant isn’t anything like I expected. So much of my life these past few months has felt out of my control. Heck, my body is – without any real effort on my part – actually building another life. Amazing.

I thought I knew what it would feel like to be pregnant. I thought I knew what it would be like to await the arrival of a baby. I thought I could fit being pregnant in with everything else going on in my life. I did realize that life would be a little bit different while pregnant, but I honestly didn’t think being pregnant would change my life much. Hello?? Was I delusional? No. I just thought, mistakenly, that I could control my life, my emotions...everything.

I believe we each have a couple of big lessons to learn while we’re here on earth and that those lessons keep popping up in our lives until we’ve learned them well. The lessons aren’t the same for everyone – for example, letting go of control is a big one for me, but it may not be for you. Imagine life as a big spiral staircase, curving up and around an open atrium. The big lesson is a tall tree in the middle of the atrium. Because you’re on a spiral staircase, you’re going to keep coming around to the same point, over and over and over. You don’t get away from the lesson – you keep coming back to it. However, each time you encounter the lesson, you’re looking at it from a slightly different perspective. You’re a little higher up, you’ve seen it from a different angle, and you’ve looked at it from a distance as you curved up and around the staircase. Eventually, you’ll get to the top of the staircase, and hopefully you’ll have seen the top of the tree before that point – you’ll have learned your big lesson.

We tend to run into trouble whenever we struggle against the lesson we’re supposed to be learning. We get stuck at one point on the staircase – digging in our heels and refusing to go forward. In my experience, it’s at that point that the lesson starts coming at us from every direction. I’ve spent far too much time during this pregnancy struggling to gain control, stuck at the same point on the staircase, refusing to let go of my need for control so that I can move forward. So what happens? I keep getting reminders of my complete inability to control many, many aspects of pregnancy – my energy level, my lung capacity, whether the baby is a boy or a girl, when I'll feel the baby move, and so on. Invariably, I begin to struggle for control, get frustrated, then remember, “Oh yeah, my big lesson – letting go of my need for control!” At that point, I remember that it’s the struggle that’s frustrating, not necessarily the change, so I let go of my need for control and adapt to the new situation. When I finally let go of the need for control over my environment, my body, my life, or other people's reactions, I feel happier, more fulfilled, more relaxed, and more joyful.

Whenever I am able to let go of my need for control – lose control, so to speak – I gain new perspective on my situation. I feel free – like a weight has been lifted from me or a burden has been taken away. Holding on feels bad. Letting go feels good. When it comes down to it, the harder you try to control something, the more elusive it becomes – the very thing you’re trying to grab hold of just keeps slipping from your grasp. You try and try and try, and you get more and more frustrated when you’re just unable to pin it down. It’s when we let go and let life, love, and energy wash over us that life becomes easier. When we struggle against life events, every change – whether objectively bad or good – is difficult. When we cease struggling, we become able to appreciate the experience of life and are able to live with ease.

In many cases, we really can’t control what life will bring us. However, I’m not saying, “Chuck your lists and stop planning for the future – there’s no point.” Not at all. I’m still a huge advocate for life planning. In fact, as I’ve already mentioned, I’m offering workshops to help you do the same. It’s much easier to get what you want if 1) you KNOW what you want and 2) you have a plan for how to get it. The trick is this: you have to recognize that the world is full of change, and you have to be ready to alter your plan as new situations crop up. The truth is, we can’t know what’s going to happen to us in the future, nor can we know how we’ll feel when something does happen – even if we wanted it to happen, as in the case of my pregnancy – all we can do is adjust our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to take the new situation or experience into account.

So, what’s my recommendation for you this month? Whatever you’re struggling with, see what it would feel like to let go of the struggle. Acknowledge the issue, and then set it aside for a while. If you can, accept the change and move on – let it go. See what it feels like to cease struggling. See if you, too, can feel more free. Your big lesson isn’t going to go away until you’ve learned it, and learning it can take a lifetime. So you might as well start now…

Workshop Announcements!

Life Navigation 101: How to Get What You REALLY Want in Three Easy Steps

Would you like to navigate a clearer path through your life? This three-step program is the foundation of Life Navigation Coaching. Please join me for an evening workshop designed to help you determine your priorities and kick-start your progress toward your goals.

First, you’ll get your bearings – where you are now. Next, you’ll figure out your direction – where you’d like to be headed. Finally, you’ll plan your journey – how you’ll get there. We’ll use a variety of assessments, exercises, and discussion topics to develop a navigation plan for your life.

This is an intensive two-session workshop that will be offered in-person in Columbus, Ohio.

Dates: Two Mondays: October 27th and November 3rd

Time: 6:00 - 8:00pm

Location: Scottie MacBean, 4675 North High Street, Columbus, Ohio

Cost: $20 (There's no risk to you, either! If you do not believe that you've gotten more value than you paid for, I'll give you your money back. The only requirement is that you need to attend both sessions in their entirety.)

To register, e-mail Lisa at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com or call 614-262-8820.

Class size is limited to ten participants.

Note: I'll soon be offering this workshop as a teleclass. The teleclass group will meet over the phone rather than in-person, which means that you can participate from anywhere in the world. Please contact me if you are interested in learning more about the teleclass workshop.

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Whoa, Baby! Expecting Change...Expanding Possibilities

You know how some women want so much to become pregnant, then once they are, they find themselves surprised by their feelings, confused by their reactions, and unsure how their newly changed lives will unfold? They may then become frustrated, feel like they're losing control, and have trouble enjoying their pregnancy. I'm offering a four-week coaching program for pregnant women, during which I will teach, support, and coach you in powerful methods for creating a life plan during pregnancy. The benefits of this program are a happier, more joyful pregnancy, a forward thinking approach to new motherhood, and a more balanced and fulfilling life.

This is a custom-tailored four-week workshop that will be offered in-person in Columbus, Ohio. We'll be working on one of four topics depending on the group participants' goals and needs. Want to learn more about the workshop and possible topics? Click here to go to my Programs and Services page.

Dates: Four Tuesdays: November 4th, 11th, 18th, and 25th

Time: 7:00 - 8:30pm

Location: Scottie MacBean, 4675 North High Street, Columbus, Ohio

Cost: $40 (There's no risk to you, either! If you do not believe that you've gotten more value than you paid for, I'll give you your money back.)

To register, e-mail Lisa at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com or call 614-262-8820.

Class size is limited to ten participants.

Want to learn more about coaching?

Visit my new FAQ page. Click here.

Want to try out coaching for yourself?

Let's talk. It's free. Click here.

Life Navigation Coaching
find your direction, plan your journey

Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D.

(614) 262-8820

lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com

www.lifenavigationcoaching.com

The Explorer is published more or less monthly to inspire curious people – people who love to explore, discover, and learn – to go out and get what they want. It is written by Lisa M. Evans, Ph.D., of Life Navigation Coaching, who coaches people to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

You can contact Lisa at (614) 262-8820 or by e-mail at lisa@lifenavigationcoaching.com.

Visit Life Navigation Coaching at www.lifenavigationcoaching.com to learn more about life coaching, Lisa, and opportunities for you.

You may use material from The Explorer in whole or in part, provided you include the complete attribution, including a live web site link and e-mail link. Please inform me when and where the material will appear.

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